Tuesday, January 27, 2015

One True and Seven Other Examples of Low-Stakes Fallout from 'American Sniper' Disses

If there’s one rule we as Americans hold sacred it’s this: Always support things with the word “America” in the title. It’s for that very reason “American Pickers” and “American Restoration” are renewed season after season, AFC and AL teams are more popular, successful and attractive than their nationalist counterparts, and America Ferrera was a thing.
                It’s also for that reason “American Sniper” has made four hundred and seventy bazillion US dollars since its release and will soon become the first feature film to win EVERY Academy Award, even ones it’s not nominated for, with the exception of foreign film because something that patriotic can’t be be called foreign.
                Of course, not everyone loved “American Sniper” with the blinding passion of one hundred thousand suns. A few weeks ago, Seth Rogen and Michael Moore had some, shall we say, choice words on Clint Eastwood’s unimpugnable masterwork. Moore called into question the bravery of snipers in general (even American ones!) and Rogen had the unmitigated gall to say that one movie about a really good sniper reminded him of another movie about a really good sniper, even though one sniper was clearly American and the other was blatantly German!
Ever since, Moore and Rogen have been taking a beating in the court of public opinion. Recently they sustained what might be the … uh … least damaging blow yet. Moore and Rogen have been officially banned from Brann’s Sizzling Steaks and Sports Grille in Wyoming, MI.
According to the image posted by Good Morning America, an electric sign outside the restaurant read: “Michael Moore and Seth Rogan (sic) are NOT allowed in my place.”
Tommy Brann, the owner of the aforementioned establishment, explained their ban thusly:
“It really disturbed me what they said, especially after Chris Kyle dying. He’s far from being a coward. I was mad, it’s my restaurant, I want to do it, so I did it … I have a lot of military friends, my uncle Dave was a prisoner of war in Germany, my uncle Ted served, my dad served. I think it was a slam on the military and a slam on Chris Kyle.”
While Brann’s status as a true American hero is beyond dispute, let’s be honest, I’m sure Rogen and Moore were devastated to hear the news that if they ever find themselves in Wyoming, MI – population 72,125, the third largest community or city in West Michigan, the 14th largest city in the state of Michigan, the 18th largest community in the state and the largest suburb of Grand Rapids, all according to Wikipedia – they won’t be welcomed at that one particular restaurant.
Truly devastating.

But this wasn’t the only incident of low-stakes fallout stemming from a perceived diss of “American Sniper.” Here are some other completely true, equally inconsequential, repercussions very, very real people have endured:

  • After a Minnesota-based movie critic gave “American Sniper” a lukewarm review, his employer told him it wouldn’t need him to cover “The Avengers 2” this summer. He was really looking forward to “Avengers 2”
  • When a movie theater owner limited “American Sniper” to just four showings a day, an anonymous and confused source began circulating rumors on South Korean websites that the theater was secretly showing “The Interview”
  • A Pennsylvania man saw “American Sniper” and then posted on Twitter that it was kind of meh. He woke up the next morning to find one of his followers has broken into his Twitter account and changed his avatar to a picture of Michael Moore
  • A California woman told her friends she wasn’t interested in seeing “American Sniper.” A week later they went see it and totally don’t even bother to check to see if she changed her mind about it
  • Seth Rogen’s pot dealer decided to no longer give him the “friends and family” discount
  • Michael Moore’s bacon dealer decided to no longer give him the “friends and family” discount, and finally
  • A Wisconsin man who was annoyed that “American Sniper” wasn’t on Netflix Instant Watch yet, gave both “Breaking Bad” and “Little House on the Prairie” five-star reviews and encouraged his friends to do the same, just to screw with Netflix’s “People who like this also liked” recommendations.  

No comments:

Post a Comment