Tuesday, December 29, 2015

The Cheese Life Presents The 2015 Drakie Awards

Here we sit. Christmas is in the rearview. A new year looms ahead and with it comes roughly three or four months of unrelenting bleakness capable of crushing the spirits of even the most stalwart of individuals. Before we get to that joy, however, there is something which must be done first. We must look back at the year that was 2015.
                Ladies and gentlemen, the 2015 Drakie Awards.
                If you’re unfamiliar the Drakies (here are the 2014 Drakies and the 2013 Drakies), they are the awards founded by my friend and business partner Drake Stone. Depending on who you talk to, Stone is either hiding in a concrete bunker in the Rocky Mountains avoiding the former members of the Doomsday cult he founded and misled, or serving as president of a small island mostly populated by seagulls. Wherever he is and whatever he may be doing, he’s entrusted these awards – which he’s often referred to as the least relevant portion of his legacy – to me.  
Despite Stone’s feelings on the awards, I take them very seriously. Before I lock in my selections, I lock myself in a dark, windowless room and spend a week ruminating on the year. What I liked, what I didn’t. Depriving myself of food, water and bathroom privileges. It’s a whole thing. The point is, these winners were not selected lightly. So, without further stalling or ado-ing, I take you to the 2015 Drakies.

Friday, December 18, 2015

The 10 Dumbest Christmas Songs Ever Written

It’s become a bit of a tradition on this blog for me to set my sights on a beloved Christmas song and then nitpick it to absolute death. It’s fun. We all love it. However, I won’t be doing it this year. I’ve already covered the two biggest, easiest targets (Here & Here) and, with those two off the board, there really isn’t another Christmas song out there I can muster 800+ angry words about. The good news is, there are plenty of songs I can muster a few dozen angry words about. Lo, I give you: The 10 Dumbest Christmas Songs Ever Written.

(Editor’s note: In the name of making this a comprehensive list, I had to include a few old friends in the mix.)