Right off the top, I want to apologize for the sudden scarceness
of posts on the site. No, I didn’t get too “Hollywood” for this blog, despite
what the buzz on the Internet may say. The actual story is that it’s late September
which means I’ve been in full-blown preparing for Halloween mode for the last …
I don’t know. July? Since July. All of this planning and such has finally begun
to eclipse my devotion to my other favorite pastime: writing nonsense on the Internet.
Some
years I handle my spooky season business a little bit better than others. This
year not so much. I’ve got three trips to the hardware store invested into my
Halloween costume (making a T-800 arm, dressing as Arnie from Terminator: Genisys). I’ve also got some
designs worked up in my brain for new homemade outdoor decorations. It’s just,
it’s a lot. I don’t want to say planning a wedding was easy compared to planning
Halloween … so I’m just going to leave it at that. Hahaha kidding … or am I?
Anyway,
so even though blogs are light right now I still love you all to bits and
pieces. And that is precisely why I felt it was imperative to interrupt my
Halloweenings to share this news with you.
So,
remember my classic blog post from August 29 entitled “Gym Mysteries: The
latest and most adorable new chapter?” Here’s the
link in case you don’t. The long and the short of it was I walked out of
the gym one morning and saw a cat napping in the rear window of a car. This sent
me off on fits of wild and rampant speculation about the true nature of the car’s
owner, life in general and cat’s place in it, etc. Then I didn’t see
the cat anymore, Halloween took over my life and that was that.
Until the other day when I saw
this.
Yup. That’s a cat. In a car. In the
parking lot of the gym. As if that wasn’t weird enough, it’s not the same cat I
saw in late August! Nope. Different cat. That one was sort of whitish, black
and gray.
I didn’t remember exactly what the
previous cat car looked like so when I saw this, I thought: “Are there
seriously two people within driving distance of my home that think it’s cool to
have their cats ride shotgun on gym trips?” This instilled in me a terror so
great and deep that I can’t really express it with words. Interpretive dance
maybe, but definitely not words.
I got in my car and then drove
towards the car to take that picture. I did this for a couple of reasons. One,
it’s kind of odd to take pictures of other people’s cars in parking lots. If
they come out and see you doing it, they’re liable to ask questions. Secondly,
the type of person who cruises around with a cat co-pilot was absolutely not
someone whose bad side I wanted to be on. Either way, I wanted my getaway car nearby.
When I got out of my car to take
that picture, I noticed this.
THAT’S THE FIRST CAR CAT! This person,
whoever they are, is now driving around with TWO cats in his/her car! TWO! I can’t
arbitrarily capitalize enough words to emphasize this point. Driving with one free-roaming
cat in the car seems like a nightmare. Two? That seems like a guaranteed accident.
With all due respect to the
weirdness of the Vanishing Lady Janitor and Dad Who Doesn’t Like Closed Doors,
this cat car has gone to number one with a bullet on my list of weird gym
stories. I swear if I leave the gym one morning and see three cats in that car,
I can’t promise I’ll make it to work. I may just drive off to nowhere and
contemplate humanity. And transportation. And cats. And this strange, dreadful
nexus outside of my gym where those three things have collided.
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