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I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about issues that
aren’t interesting to anyone but me. My readership figures indicate this fact
to me quite clearly. In the extremely rare instance that one of my long-winded
complaints has a wider appeal than one, it is never of any real consequence. It’s
more of a commonly-accepted annoyance than a pressing issue worthy of the
attention of societal leaders.
Until
today. My friends, computer keyboards are a huge problem and they need to be
addressed. Well, not the whole keyboard necessarily. Just one midsized key. The
Caps Lock key. Ask yourself, how many times have you pressed the Caps Lock key
on purpose? Now think about how many times you’ve pressed it by accident. If
you’re anything like me, the percentage is somewhere in the neighborhood of 99%
by accident to 1% intentional. That may be being generous on the intentional
front.
Here’s
a regular scenario for me. I’m in need of a capital “A.” I hit the Shift key using
my right hand, no problem. I reach for the “A” key with my left, my dominant
hand, and somehow, someway, overshoot the “A” and nail the Caps Lock. Of
course, I assume everything went according to plan and so I’ll just continue
typing away. Yes, despite the amount of time I spend using keyboards, I still
find myself watching my fingers as I type. I’m not looking for the letters, necessarily.
The only way I can explain this is, I use my feet a lot, and yet I still find
myself staring at them while I walk. It’s just a habit?
Back to
the problem. So, I’m typing along and then I glance at my screen and see it: a
line or two of all caps. Unintentional all-caps. For years, this meant me
having to delete everything I typed and then retype it. Only recently did I discover
the existence in Microsoft word of the “Change Case” option. This helpful
little icon can change all-caps text to any old kind of caps style you require,
including regular-caps text.
Still,
it’s an added step that I don’t need in my life. Is there any reason the Caps
Lock key needs to exist let alone occupy such a place of prominence on my keyboard?
I mean, I’m good with holding the Shift button down if I for some reason need a
lengthy sequence of caps. But if this needs its own button, why can’t that
button live off with the equally little used, by me anyway, Num Lock button? You
know, somewhere where a guy is less-likely to accidentally encounter it while
he’s feverously typing about nonsense for a personal blog?
Perhaps
it’s a union thing among keyboard keys. Or could it be that Big Caps Lock has
the keyboard industry wrapped around its little finger? I can’t say.
If we
can’t get rid of or move the Caps Lock key, here’s an idea. Let’s put one of
those little glass cubes on top of it. There will be a little hinge so the cube
can be lifted up. Basically, it’s like the thing that covers the red “Nuclear
War” button that every president has on his/her desk in the movies. That way,
if I need Caps Lock (assuming hell has frozen over), it’s still in its same
high-value spot. All I need to do is lift up the little cover and tap it. Then,
when I’m done, I can replace the cover and carry on with my typing, free of the
fear of accidentally activating it.
Is this
too much to ask? Presidential candidates! Hear me, I pray you! The first one of
you that starts talking about keyboard key placement will absolutely get my
vote next year! Unless it’s Trump. Then I’m going to have to rethink my
position on this thing entirely.
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