Monday, March 9, 2015

Good & Bad: 'The Walking Dead' (3/8/15)
Season 5, Episode 13 “Forget”

Plot: The gang learned a valuable lesson about society last night: If you want to be part of one, you have to put up with cocktails parties and no matter what “Mad Men” told you, cocktails parties will never ever be fun. Are there cocktail parties on “Made Men?” I have no idea. I never watched it. Seems like a show that would have lots of cocktail parties. So, “Walking Dead.” The Alexandria people throw a cocktail party, most of Rick’s crew shows up and looks uncomfortable, Daryl and Aaron bond over horse murder, spaghetti and motorcycles, Carol swipes some guns from the armory, but gets caught by a child, whom she then threatens, Sasha is all over the fucking road and RICK KISSES A GIRL! 


  • Bad: Sasha. Sasha was everywhere last night. She started the episode by stealing some pictures of a happy family, wandering into the woods, shooting them and then seemingly begged walkers to come get her. Shortly thereafter, she’s back in town and suddenly demanding to be Alexandria’s only lookout, all thoughts of walker-assisted suicide abandoned. Later, she screamed at a nice partygoer who made the mistake of offering to cook her dinner. Finally Sasha left the town on her own; either to once again embrace death or to find new meaning or to go on a run or something. It’s all wildly unclear. You’re the worst, Sasha. 
  • Good: Oooh! Oooh! What's up with that walker with the "W" carved on its head? Serial killer?
  • Bad: Daryl. My god. What have you people done to my beloved Daryl? Earlier this season, Daryl was the world’s biggest Cure fan. Last week, he was a woodland nymph, unaccustomed to the ways of man. This week, all it takes to turn him human again is a brief spat of symbolic horse murder, a plate of spaghetti and a garage full of motorcycle parts. If only the Governor had known that those three things in that particular order were essentially Daryl cheat codes, allowing you to get him to do whatever you want, regardless of what his character was just doing moments ago.
  • Good: I do love the Aaron/Daryl pair though. The “Thanks” after each of them bailed the other out during an attack was top notch. I know Daryl’s a tough-as-nails survivalist and it sure seems like Aaron can hold his own out there. But Daryl is the big old hillbilly mess while Aaron is all put together and proper. It’s great. This partnership, until it gets ruined next week, is now the best thing about this show.
  • Bad: So, the writers have backed themselves into a bit of a corner as far as I’m concerned. This Daryl/Aaron motorcycle thing. For a guy who loves them, I really hate a lot about their plot. Anyway, the motorcycle thing can really only play out two ways: 1) It’s a ploy. Aaron somehow knows Daryl is into bikes – maybe he was in the prison or something – and set up that garage bike shop to finally win him over. 2) It’s a ridiculous, credulity-stretching coincidence.  If it’s the former, I’ll be pissed because a ploy likely means the Alexandrites are up to no good and the writers expect me to just forget all the dickish things Rick’s group has been up to lately and just go back to rooting for them. If it’s the latter, I’ll going to finally start stitching together those “Walking Dead” writer voodoo dolls I’ve been thinking about due to the sheer hackiness of it all.  
  • Bad: Let’s see, this week, Rick brings adultery to the good people of Alexandria, Sasha has a meltdown when someone offers to feed her and Carol threatens to feed a child to a pack of walkers for not lying to his mother. Remember, these are the good guys.
  • Good: Every single member of Rick’s group reacted to that cocktail party in the exact same fashion I would. Considering their current confirmed heelishness, I’m not sure that’s a good thing for me, but still, I can appreciate and respect social awkwardness.   
  • Bad: Where the hell are the rest of the characters? I haven’t seen Fr. Gabe since the barn. Same goes for Eugene. When “Game of Thrones” forgets about characters for an extended period of time, it works because all of the characters are so spread out. What doesn’t work is not showing these side characters when everyone is in the exact same place. Then it just becomes confusing.
  • Good: I am enjoying the whole: “If we stay here we become weak” inner conflict thing that’s going on.
  • Good: Loved Rick mournfully touching the wall at the end, like it was keeping him from some long lost love. He’s really useless without that outside world. I kind of think they all are. They’ve gotten so used to living in it, without it, they are just sort of shit. Maybe that’s the point of all this. That Rick’s group is going to torpedo this good thing they got going because they’re all secretly addicted to life on the road (let’s pretend the society THEY set up in the prison never happened). They’re no longer capable of a life without clawing and scratching for survival. Maybe the writers actually know what they’re doing! Or maybe:  
  • Good/Bad: This one’s for you, the reader, to decide. Here’s a fun theory: The gang is actually all dead. They died during that big storm. What we’re seeing now is some sort of weird afterlife thing. Maybe it’s heaven, maybe it’s hell. My vote is heaven for these reasons:
    •    Carl found himself an awkward love interest.
    •   Rick is back in a love triangle. If there’s one thing Rick absolutely loves, it’s being in love triangles.
    •    Carol is planning to murder small children. This is really her go-to. Also, she gets to play spy and feel super important even though her actions, to this point, seem inconsequential.
    •     Daryl gets to roll around in a garage full of motorcycles parts like Scrooge McDuck.
    •     Noah’s sudden ability to walk completely fine again.
    •     Fr. Gabe isn’t there because burning your collar is rule one in the “Things Not to Do When You’re A Man of the Cloth” pamphlet.
    •    The rest of the gang --- doesn’t matter. If I’m going to write for this show, I need to be OK with ignoring big swatches of the cast from time to time.   
That’s all for now. Tune in next week when I explain how that episode of “The Walking Dead” proves the moon landing was fake.  


  1. About forgetting the prison: according to the wiki page, only 30 plus days have passed since that fun flu plot at the prison. Our gang has only been without shelter for 5 weeks maybe; of course they met cannibals along the way and that turned them into 1970s Wes Craven villains, and then they all drank bad something that tricked them into believing Beth represented hope. Anyway, 4-5 weeks.

  2. Ho-ly smokes. If you'd have asked me to guess, I might have said ... I dunno, 6-8 months. At least. That is shocking. Well, so in theory, we should be able to toss out the "Forgot how to live in a society" angle, meaning this whole thing is some convoluted plot by the Alexandrites to steal Rick's Lucky Charms

  3. Yeah, the writers have no concept of time. They're on audience time. Less than 40 days ago the gang gardened in the prison.